His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
