I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
