So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
there's paper in my vomit.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
