so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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