You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
