I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
