After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
