its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
