I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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