if i can run in heels then i can drive
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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