When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Randomize
