dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
