i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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