It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
