Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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