lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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