you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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