I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
