I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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