Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
