Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
