I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
