theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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