i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
