i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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