The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
