Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
