Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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