He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
