Porn is love you can see.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
