DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
