tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
