i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
