Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
