I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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