boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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