Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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