she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
