I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
