atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
