Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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