Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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