hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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