Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
