My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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