It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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