so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
