hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
