shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
