4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
