His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
