Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i've created a new STD.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
