drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
