Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
