just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize