I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize