you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
