you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
