She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
