So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
