i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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