So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
