i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
