I just made out with a guy for $7.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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