im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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