Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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