You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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