whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
