there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
