The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
