my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize