i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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