I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
