things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
