My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I looked at my own cervix.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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