You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
