I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
