ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize