2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
