the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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