She's JV to your varsity
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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