my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
