WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
