i would punch a child for taco bell
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
