The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
