I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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