put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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