I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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