Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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