Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
