she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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