i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
