I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
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I'm just crazy horny about you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
