Apparently you make a good broom.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
