My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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