She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
