Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
