the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
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