Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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