Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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