good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
