Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
