There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
