Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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