i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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