Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
