If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
