Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
