Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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