I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it's like iHOP with fire
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
