Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Pants are for mortals
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
