i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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