Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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